Cries of a military wife

Today I'm writing with a heavy heart.  I've been waiting for the right moment to blog for awhile now.. several blog topics in queue and ready to be hashed out in words.  And most of them in the evening hours or into the wee hours of the morning.  But today it's a late afternoon blog based on my emotional thought process in trying to comprehend and process a blog I read of someone I don't even know.

Jessica's Suicide Blog is the link if you would like the full story prior to my response. 

In summary, a suffering military wife who chose (and thank God failed) to take her own life.  PTSD, depression, alcohol, affairs, anger, resentment, war... the unfortunate typical life of a military wife suffering to not be a victim and failing miserably. 

I cringe when I hear people talk about people being a victim of their own circumstances, of them being able to prevent their own misery, to eliminate their stress and worries.  If you are that person thinking that of someone try helping them instead.  Be there for them.  Support them.  Love them. 

What rattled me to my core more than her actual blog was the outpouring of response from the blogging community of military wives.  Strangers loving her back to health (she is still hospitalized with a long road of recovery per a post from her parents).  Military wives admitting the SAME feelings of defeat and suicide attempts.  The number of people who have been in her shoes, felt her sorrow and could not find an escape.  In our darkest times and weakest moments we are blinded by any goodness, hope and love surrounding us.  It is nearly impossible to see through the thick fog.  We've all been there haven't we?  We're not victims of our own circumstances.  No.  If we were wise enough to see the light at the end of the tunnel, to solve our own problems, to correct our own attitudes in our most sorrow-filled and worrisome moments don't you think we would have already done it?

Military spouse life is hard.  I don't feel the need to expand upon that in this blog.  Either you get it or you don't.  Support from family and friends is invaluable.  And it is so easy... so so easy to fall into the trap of seeing the people who simply don't care or don't take the time to let you know that they do.  It's easy to sit back and point fingers at the people whose support you need the most who fail to give it.  It's easy to feel overwhelmed by the circumstances and trials along the way.  It's easy to allow our own pretentious human behavior to cloud the many blessings being poured out for us.  And it's even easier for people to watch people suffer through this and sit back and... do nothing. 

Thank you.  Thank you to those of you taking the time to read this.  Thank you to my family and friends who continually show how much they love and care... especially the dedicated few who stood by me and Byron throughout the last year of our separation and desperation of trying to hold our marriage together.  And even more to those of you who did it without judgment.  Thank you to my mom and Dale who took me in without questions asked and helped me get on my feet again.  Thank you to every friend who has heard me out and spent time listening to my frustrations.  A huge special thank you to my life group who has continually supported me, loved me, gotten me laughing every single week and refreshed and renewed my heart without even knowing they were doing it.  To each of you who has taken time to call (sometimes repeatedly when I won't answer the phone or call back!), to write a note, to offer a hand of help, to pray for us, to help us out financially, to care for Madison, to text, to  do something as simple as commenting on Facebook.  You all are invaluable to me.  I hope you all realize the importance you have to me and how the simplest amounts of support are what get me (and have gotten me) through. 

My heartfelt prayers go out to Jessica and her family.  I pray that she makes a full and healthy recovery with the ability to have her vision unclouded to see how special and important she is.  In fact, that's my prayer for every military wife who is struggling with the life of the military getting them down and making them hit rock bottom.  If you feel led Jessica's parents have set up a PO Box for cards and letters of encouragement to be sent to her.

Jessica
P.O. Box 292138
Columbia, SC 29229