Shy

Can anyone reading this imagine me as shy?  You might not believe it but I've come a long, long way.  I used to be painfully shy.  It made me nervous to meet anyone new.  I'd rather die than have to introduce myself to someone I didn't know.  It was like that since childhood.  As I've grown up meeting people has become easier.  When you move as often as we have it becomes a trained ability.  You either meet people in the Army or you suffer.  The hello's are now the easy part and the goodbyes get harder as we go on.  The shy, reserved person I was is much more outgoing and friendly, oftentimes replaced with a person with an odd sense of humor not everyone can always appreciate. 

In elementary school I hardly spoke to anyone.  My reserved nature was content playing on my own, reading on the side or doing my homework while everyone else chatted.  It made me a target and a victim of my own circumstance.  I was relentlessly teased and picked on.  Name calling, bullying, and worse yet the ignoring.  One of my most vivid memories is of 5th grade.  It was near the end of the year and the teacher had said everyone could move their desks wherever and however they wanted.  All of the girls talked in hushed whispers and one by one moved their desks into a circle all together... every single one of them.... leaving me on the opposite side of the room.  Alone.  Their giggles and smug looks of pre-teen contentment have stuck with me for years.

It's no wonder that one of my biggest fear as a mother was having a child that wasn't liked by others or gets picked on.  Or worse yet... painstakingly shy leading to all of the above.  There are moments I have worried as she is completely attached to me.  She goes where I go, I go where she goes, wherever we go we do it together.  Me and that little 4 year old girl have been through a lot.  And knowing how attached she is to me made me begin to worry even more.  I see her play alone and entertain herself even when other kids are around.  At Justin's birthday party several weeks ago all of the kids were running and playing together and there was Madison in Justin's room... content as can be playing by herself.  She enjoys going to the Eagle's Nest, a free daycare at the grocery store but even there I'll sneak peeks and watch her entertaining herself while the other kids play together.  One day I asked her why she didn't play with other kids and she told me "I didn't know their names."  Simple as that.  I explained to her that she can tell them HER name and ask them to play and they could have lots of fun.  So fast forward a week.  I had had a trying day with her, we had been cooped up in the house for three days and it was just time to get out.  I took her up to the McDonalds with a playplace.  And there she started the cycle.  Running through the maze of kids not talking to anyone.  It cleared out, my coffee was dwindling and I was getting ready to leave when a girl about her age came in.  I saw Madison look at me and smile and as if looking for my approval she ran up to the girl.  "Hi, I'm Madison.  I'm 4.  Would you like to play with me?"

They were best buddies for the rest of the night.  When we went to leave Madison asked "Mommy, can she come spend the night?" It did my heart good. She's funny.  She's outgoing.  And she's been blessed by a beautiful face and outgoing personality that no kid in their right mind could ever make fun of.  I adore this little girl and find her inspiring more than she knows.  She has a bright future.  Of course she has to, I'm her mommy :)