Byron left Sunday. We spent a wonderful two weeks together where we were further able to re-establish our relationship and devotion for one another. My time with him is truly a gift. This visit really opened my eyes to a lot of things but that's definitely for another night's blog. Anyway, there's a little unspoken thing amongst Army wives that we all know to brace ourselves once the guys leave for anything because that's when chaos breaks out (flooded houses, emergency room trips, accidentally grooming the tip of the dog's private part off.... <--- yes, that really happened) And although no major crisis happened this week it was just long, frustrating and extremely tiring. Internet went out, house was invaded with ants, basement is flooding, Madison had a cold, I had to put 40 hours of work in over 3 and a half days, electricity at the house went a little haywire, freezer went out (but came back on?), etc etc. Last night I got Danielle because she's had a tough week and I thought she could use some time away. I also puppysat for Lynn's 3 dogs making a total of 6 at my house for several days. Tonight, Danielle has a friend over. We got back from her soccer game, cleaned up some stuff, fixed the girls some hot chocolate and popcorn, bathed Madison, washed some laundry, cleaned some dishes, fed the dogs, got the girls set up for the night... and I'm spent. So outside of the fact that I simply need to vent, where am I getting with all of this?
One major realization I've made recently is that I need to be more open and willing to ask for and receive help. Madison was the teacher of this lesson. As any symbiotic relationship goes, the more chaotic my life and routine became this week the more chaotic Madison's attitude and temper became as well. I wasn't able to spend much time with her and she was going crazy at the house finding new and inventive ways to keep herself occupied. This week, more than ever, I've noticed a great independence with her. Alyssa, my cousin, made a comment last week about how much Madison plays by herself. I noticed when I had her at the daycare in the grocery store that she was playing by herself the entire time. And all this week I can't tell you how many times I heard her exclaim "I can do it MYSELF, mommy! I don't need your help!"
The moment that sticks in my mind the most is when she was trying to button a pair of jeans she had put on. She just couldn't do it. Her little thumbs weren't quite strong enough, she was bending over making it tighter to snap the button and she had all of the patience any four year has (which is next to none) I watched as she threw herself to the ground over and over again, putting her little face in her hands, screaming, stomping, crying. But she wouldn't give up. From a distance I asked her several times if I could help her or just show her how to do it and let her try. She vehemently told me "NO! I SAID I CAN DO IT MYSELF!"
Does this sound familiar to anyone's life? Maybe not with your little ones but with yourselves. It rings true to me. I try to take everything into my own hands, desperately try to maintain control .... but oftentimes it backfires on me as well. I might not stomp and scream and throw a tantrum on the outside but what about the inside? No, God, no I don't need your help.... I've got this handled just fine on my own. Uh huh, right. Just as it's so easy for a parent to sit back and watch their children fumble and falter, get frustrated over tasks they haven't mastered or can't perform quite yet... how much more does God sit back and watch us fumble and falter over our own lives? That's rhetorical :) A lot more places I could go with that but my eyelids are droopy and my body is giving way to slumber.
By the way, Madison never did get her jeans buttoned on her own. She slumped over on a step and put her head in her hands and started to cry. When I went over to her to comfort her and reassure her she tried pushing me away. Gentle words and a little back rubbing and she allowed me to show her the "trick" I made her lay on her back with her tummy sucked in. I showed her how to hold the snap. I showed her where to snap it and unknown to her I "helped" apply enough pressure to make it snap. She was elated and through her arms around me into a giant hug. One day she'll thank me for that trick.
This all being said, I need help to get through this deployment. I need lots of help. And I need you all to be doing it. Here are the ways which everyone can help:
1) Encouragement and staying in touch - just simply letting me know you're thinking of me or Madison or Byron. I am not great at staying in touch with people. In fact, sometimes I'm just plain horrible at communication. But don't let that stop you. I need all my friends and family!
2) Supporting Byron in any way possible. Facebook messages and posts, emails, real letters (I can't emphasize enough how much something like that means), care packages, etc. I will be starting updates once he's in Afghanistan and will probably come up with projects and stuff people can participate in along the way.
3) Keeping me company. Showing up at the house to hang out. Going out for coffee. Having lunch or dinner together. The more I'm alone the harder the deployment becomes. I need help with Madison all the time. She needs friends. I need friends. Basically, we need company!
4) Projects around the house. Currently, I have several I'd like to get started. One is finding someone to help me in making curtains for around the house. I'd like to pick up fabric and sew simple curtains in the rooms. Right now the front room is a huge wide open window with any covering at all. I don't have a sewing machine so I will have to buy drapes and curtains if I can't use someone's. A second project is a garden. I love to garden. Madison and I are both excited about getting a garden in this spring. But it's going to take a lot of planning and work. We have to find the right spot, get seedlings started, plan out where things will go, go through the work of getting the garden prepped, etc. It's something I'd love to have help with. And a third project is having help for around the yard. Picking up sticks, sprucing up the outside, planting flowers when it's warmer, pulling weeds, etc.
Anyway I'm REALLY falling asleep now. I'll end with a photo - the closest I have to showing the chaos of the week!
The picture was just great. Good thoughts, Trish. We love you!
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