Are you ready for the story of your life? Okay, lame attempt at a joke to kick things off...
I've had a really hard time kicking this blog series off, hence the 4 day delay. I could never be a pastor and work under weekly pressure. I've been struggling with whether to keep the themes universal or individual. With much deliberation I've decided to keep them individually universal.
The Story of Your Life - for Matthew West's commentaries, the story behind the song and to listen go to http://www.matthewwest.com/stories/?id=1
"Is this the end? Or only the beginning?" And I was hooked. That's what this entire blogging site is about for me. Reclaiming freedom. New beginnings. Starting over. We all have dark pasts, hidden secrets, and "demons" seemingly haunting us at every turn, don't we? I reached a point last year where I simply gave up. The fight wasn't worth it because I was just getting too hurt, too angry, too confused.
"The question is will you do something with it? Or spend your days lost in your regret?"
If there was ever a line of lyrics that could feel like a punch in the gut that's it right there. My mind was clouded, my vision of the future clouded and I was seemingly blinded to the present. Why me? Why more? God, I can't handle this. You. Make. Me. So. Angry. The blame, the guilt, the raw and bitter fury I felt towards a God I knew to be so loving and only felt to be so unfair and unjust. It was a downward spiral that emptied into an infinitely bottomless pit. Not a fun mental picture, is it?
"Breathe in deep. Feel your heart start beating. Let's go see the reason you're alive."
Life is a journey. And I needed this reminder to keep breathing, realize I AM and WAS alive. And as if I took that invisible hand, I began the process of painstakingly rereading my own story. You see, that infinitely bottomless pit is bottomless for a reason. We can feel like we keep falling, that we've reached the bottom or that things couldn't get any worse. My vision was obscured and I was in complete denial that a loving God could let me fall so low. The truth is that, in fact, that same loving God loves me so much and is so full of grace and mercies that he kept that pit from having a bottom, He kept me above water when I felt like I was drowning. Even through my own obstinate anger and frustrations the Holy Spirit had strong arms wrapped around me and carried me through all of the tribulations I was experiencing. That in itself is amazing and its own story to be told. But just as the first and last lyrics of the song ask.... it's not the end.
"This is the story of your life. You decide how the rest is gonna be."
We are each writing our own story. God doesn't just jump in as the cure-all, mend-all at our beck and call. He gave us beautiful minds to make decisions for a reason. Our stories here on Earth don't end when we feel like life is crashing down. We have ups and downs, good times and bad. Each chapter, each moment of rejoicing and period of darkness creates a story that is uniquely our own. The most beautiful part is we are our own authors. Are we going to let that negative past declare our future to be one of the same sorrow? We have extraordinarily powerful minds that can take all of our past turmoil and triumphs and turn them into an intricately woven story worth reading over and over again, full of bountiful life lessons we can learn from and be an example to others. Are you going to let yours be a tragedy or one with a fairy-tale happily ever after? The choice is yours. I know where mine is headed and I'm excited to keep writing.
"This is the story of your life and it's a story worth telling."
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